


Sex is Hard.

by flashwitch



Category: Adjustment Bureau (2011), Castle, Criminal Minds, Daredevil (Comics), How I Met Your Mother, Stargate SG-1, Suits (TV), White Collar
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Clinton has multifandom sex, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not tagging every relationship or character, One Night Stands, Sexual Content, Shame, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, hyperseuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-31 19:25:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashwitch/pseuds/flashwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, my brain decided Clinton Jones has a lot of sex. And I mean a lot. Throw in a bunch of angst, a bit of plot, and that's this story. SOme explicit sex, but not as much as I originally intended. Clinton ends up setting up Neal/Peter/El. Lots of other fandoms mentioned, but this is a WHITE COLLAR story and no knowledge of other fandoms strictly necessary. Also I don't own White Collar or anything else mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so my brain decides Jones was the team bike, and I was all prepared to write smut. But then Angst happened. and Plot. and very few actual sex scenes.
> 
> :(
> 
> Also, I wrote this whole story in one go, so it may get edited at some point.
> 
> I don't own White Collar, or any of the other things referenced, of which there are many, because anything set in or that mentions, or that could conceivably go to, New York is fair play for Clinton Jones' libido. No knowledge of other shows but White Collar necessary to enjoy.

Clinton bit down on the side of her neck as he came. She moaned beneath him, and he hips jolted. She'd already came once, and was on her way to her second. He pulled out, disposing neatly of the condom. She whined a little, and he shushed her, slowly moving down her body, tasting and touching as he went. Then his face was between her legs and he was pushing his tongue into her, then backing off to lick ad suck at her clit, then pushing his fingers roughly into her.

This was the part he loved.

He went down on her, full of confidence and totally uninhibited. She moaned and he grinned against her cunt, loving the wet sounds they made between them.

She came hard, toes curling as she shouted.

They lay on the bed together for a long time, panting. Then she half sat up, and drew the sheet around her.

This was the bit he hated.

"I don't... this isn't..."

"Hey, it was just some fun. It doesn't have to mean anything if we don't want it to." He smiled, desperate that it wouldn't get awkward.

"I've never, not with someone from the same office. The frat rules..."

"Lauren, it's fine. It's all fine."

She finally relaxed and smiled at him.

It was the first time they'd had sex, but it wasn't the last. It was never anything routine; they'd just fall into bed together when they needed some release. She told him a couple of months later that she was only seeing him and wondered if they should formalise their arrangement. Clinton didn't tell her about the many, many people he'd been seeing in between their liaisons, but they still decided to keep their fling informal.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Clinton slept with Peter and Elizabeth, it was on their anniversary. He was part of Elizabeth's present for Peter.

It... wasn't as awkward as he'd thought it would be.

Part of him suspected that Peter went through with it just as a gift to El and that made him feel strange. He worried for a little that Peter would resent him. He had dinner with them both and they both assured him everything would be fine. Peter had seemed nervous, but he didn't back out. Clinton cornered him in the kitchen before they did anything.

"Look, are you sure about this?"

Peter looked at him for a moment and then sighed.

"Are you? I know you're my subordinate..."

"Peter I wouldn't... if we're doing this, it's because we want to. All of us."

"You're sure?"

"If you are. I don't want to do this if you're not comfortable."

Peter had been putting away the dishes, and at this he turned around and stared at Jones for a long moment. Then he surged forward and claimed his mouth.

"I'm comfortable." He assure when they parted, both panting for breath and half hard. "I just needed to be sure."

Clinton grinned and then his mouth met Peter's in a clashing of teeth and tongues.

There was a noise from the doorway and they broke apart, turning to look.

"Boys, boys, boys. What am I going to do with you both?"

Between them, they'd worn him out, which took some doing. He woke up at 6 and felt incredibly warm and safe at the same time as feeling terribly uncomfortable. He had Peter's arm thrown across him and Elizabeth was curled into his side. He carefully tried to extricate himself, and Peter's eyes blinked slowly open.

"Jones? Stay?"

So he did.

It should have been awkward, and it was a bit. Peter went red and flustered when they woke up properly, but then El was talking and they were having breakfast and everything was fine.

It wasn't something they repeated, although Clinton thought of it fondly when he was in the shower sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover chapter and M/M sex.

"No names," the man said, pressing Clinton up against the rough brick. "No history, nothing but tonight. Or you can leave right now."

"Fine by me."

He had slicked back hair that Clinton loved to mess up, and his suits were exquisitely tailored. He drove a ridiculously expensive car, but said it wasn't his. When Clinton frowned, he'd laughed and said it was from a car club. Clinton had gone down on him when they got stuck in traffic. They both came to the roar of the engine. By the time they got to the man's apartment, he was hard again and desperate. He pushed Clinton down onto the bed.

"Strip."

"You're used to people following your orders, aren't you?" Clinton asked, amused, even as he did as he was told. When he was bare, the man smacked him painfully across the ass for his cheek. Then he spread Clinton open and began to take him apart. He licked and sucked and got him good and wet and then fucked him slowly until they both shuddered into orgasm.

Clinton shook his head to clear it and then reached for his discarded suit. The man grunted.

"You don't have to leave. Not until the morning."

The implication was clear, and Clinton relaxed back onto the bed. The morning after was one of the least awkward he'd ever endured and he often wondered what had happened to the man and whether he was with anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another crossover chapter

Her name was Robin. She was beautiful and fierce and Canadian. But two out of three ain't bad. They dated for about a week before she sat him down.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry."

"What is it?" What did I do wrong?

"I really like you, Clinton. Really. But this just isn't working out for me."

"Is it the work thing?" They didn't get to spend much time together.

"No, no. It's not that. It's the sex."

"What? I've never had any complaints!" in fact, he had quite the reputation. He'd had friends of his ex-partners call him up just for a lay.

"No complaints, not in the way you mean. You're great. It's just... it's too much. You're big, you know? And you want it a lot. I mean, I like sex as much as the next girl, but you. You like it a whole lot more. I think I'm bruised down there, you know?"

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. I just, I don't think this is fair to either of us."

And she'd kissed his cheek and left.


	5. Chapter 5

He ran into Diana in a gay-bar once. She tilted her head and smiled, and he looked away.

"I didn't know you were gay."

"I'm not. I'm bi." He paused. "Well, actually, I'm just a slut."

Diana looked like someone had slapped her.

"What are you talking about?"

He'd had a couple more drinks than he should have and his tongue was looser than he liked.

"I like sex. A lot. This way, I get to have it a lot more than if I was just with women."

She kept staring at him. He smiled and then the guy he'd been dancing with came back with their drinks. He wrapped himself around Clinton and slipped a hand into his front pocket and Clinton relaxed back into the embrace. Diana frowned.

"I'm going to find Chrissie," she said. "Jones, be careful."

"So you're name's Jones?" she heard his dance partner ask as she moved away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover chapter, show already mentioned.

Her name was Donna and she had hair like fire. They dated for three months, and her sex drive was almost level with his. They had fun. But then her Boss came round to pick her up for a late meeting that had been hurriedly rescheduled and they needed her for because she was just that awesome, and Clinton had taken one look and freaked out.

The woman he was dating worked for Mr One Night Stand.

This made things awkward. Very, very awkward. On the up side, he did find out One Night Stand's name was Harvey. Donna took it all in her stride, it was almost as if she'd already known that he'd had sex with her boss. But Clinton and Harvey just weren't that enlightened. Donna sighed, and asked if they'd all be happier going their separate ways.

Clinton wanted to say no. He really did. He loved Donna. But Harvey was glaring at him and he really didn't like the idea that the two of them might discuss him behind his back.

He went home and drank every ounce of liquor he owned.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning he was so clearly hung over that even Peter made worried noises at him. he brushed them all off and put his head down on his desk.

"Jones? You alright?" he looked up and found Neal perched on the desk, holding out a large cup of coffee.

"Coffee?"

"Here. How much did you have last night? And was it a party or a wake?"

"Too much. And the latter." Jones closed his eyes and took a sip of life giving elixir.

"Ouch. Sorry, man. What happened?" And Neal looked so sincere and heartfelt that Jones just felt the story pouring out of him.

"I was dating this girl, Donna. We'd been seeing each other for a few months and she's the first serious relationship I've had in a long time. And then her Boss came to pick her up for a meeting." He took a mouthful of coffee to fortify himself. "And it turned out that me and her boss had a one night stand about 6 months ago. We broke up."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks Neal."

"But if she couldn't handle the idea that you slept with her boss, once, before you knew her, then she's not worth it. That's just petty."

Jones laughed.

"It wasn't her who had the problem. It was me and Harvey. I didn't like the idea of them comparing notes and talking about what a slut I am."

Neal was frowning.

"What?" he asked.

Jones ran through what he'd said and realised he'd admitted to having sex with a man. He'd never mentioned to Neal that he was bi, although he'd assumed he'd known it because Neal flirted with him quite a bit. But then, Neal flirted with everyone. Jones looked away.

"You aren't a slut," Neal said, his voice quiet, yet serious.

"What?" that wasn't what Jones had been expecting him to say.

"You aren't a slut. So you have a high sex drive. That's not your fault. You never cheat on your partners, and you don't have sex with people you don't feel you have a connection for. It's fine. It's all fine."

"I...what?"

Neal smiled and shook his head.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex a lot. It's a physical thing as well as psychological. You have little control over your sex drive, only whether or not you indulge it. and there's nothing wrong in wanting company rather than an empty bathroom."

Jones looked at him for a long moment, wondering how Neal could be so understanding. No one ever understood.

"It's called hyper-sexuality, I'm told," Jones said. "Why are you... how are you so calm about this? Everyone freaks out."

"I know."

"What? Wait, you?"

"No. Not what you're thinking." Neal smiled, but it was the pale, see through smile he used to con, not the natural smile they all loved to see. "I'm asexual."

"Oh." Jones stared, he couldn't help it. He loved sex and the idea of someone who didn't felt alien.

"Yeah. I've had sex. I even enjoy it, sometimes. But most of the time, I'm just not interested. It's messy." He shuddered.

"But you're so romantic. And you flirt all the time."

"Flirting is harmless fun. Besides it's a good trick for a con man to know. And I'm asexual, not aromantic." Jones could feel Diana and Peter watching them and wondered if anyone could hear what they were saying. This was so not the place for this conversation. He carried on anyway.

"What do you mean?"

"I can love people. I'm not unemotional. I just don't see the need for a sexual component."

"So you and Kate..."

"We were in love. And yes, we had sex. But because she wanted to. It wasn't something I particularly enjoyed exactly, more like something I did to make her happy. Like taking out the garbage or doing the dishes. Every relationship needs compromise." He shrugged.

Jones stared some more. Sex was... it was amazing. What had happened to Caffrey that he disliked it so much?

"Oh, don't do that."

"What?"

"Nothing happened to make me how I am. Just like nothing happened to make you how you are. It's just that our libidos are outliers on the bell curve of sexuality. Just on different ends."

"When you put it like that..." Jones nodded. "Want to go and get a drink after work? Talk some more?"

"As long as you realise I'm not going to put out." Neal grinned, winked, and walked away, swaying his ass from side to side in a tease. Jones barked out a laugh and got back to work.


	8. Chapter 8

They did actually go out that night for a few drinks, but neither of them felt like talking. At least not until they'd had a few.

"So have you never liked sex?"

"Like I said, I can enjoy it. But not in the way you do. When I have sex, I'm enjoying it because my partner's getting off on it. I like that it's something I can do for them."

"Do you... I mean... shit." Jones took a swig of his third drink of the night (already half gone).

"Do I get aroused, do you mean?"

"Yeah. that."

"I don't get erections often. And when I do, I mostly ignore them and wait for them to go away. I..." he hesitated, chewing on his lower lip. "I don't enjoy orgasms. It feels too much like falling apart."

"And it's not, you know, medical?"

"Nope." Neal looked away, and Jones felt bad for asking. "I've had every test known to man done on me. My first boyfriend insisted on it. First he was offended when I didn't get hard, then he decided there must be something wrong with me. When they couldn't find anything, he decided that it didn't matter whether I was enjoying it or not." He turned back to Jones, half smiling and flushed. "Sorry, I think this wine is going to my head more than I thought." It was his fourth glass.

"My first boyfriend called me a whore and slut all the time. He knew I'd slept around a bit before we got together, and he was always suspicious. It got to the point where I couldn't leave the house without him because he was sure that if I was out alone I was having sex."

"Dick." The word sounded wrong from Neal's mouth, and made Jones laugh, slightly hysterically.  
o0o0o

They split a taxi back to Neal's. Jones walked him up the stairs, which was probably a good thing since he was barely able to keep upright.

"Thanks for tonight, Neal. I had a great time."

"Me too." Neal looked at him, consideringly. "Stay."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I don't want to be alone tonight, and I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be alone either. Stay."

"I don't want to take advantage."

"I don't mean for sex." Neal rolled his eyes. But he'd noticed that Jones was hard when they'd been pressed together on the stairs. "Although if you're still up for it, I could give you a blow job."

"What? No, you don't like..."

"I like making the other person happy." And Jones was pretty sure there was something kind of fucked up about that. "If you'll stay and snuggle with me, I'd be happy to give you a blow job." He licked his lips, and Jones stared for a long moment before shaking himself.

"Wait, are you offering sex in exchange for cuddles? Because that's messed up."

"No. Not in the way you're thinking. Look, please stay. We can cuddle or not, have sex or not."

"I thought you weren't going to put out."

"I'm not. I don't want to go all the way. But I'd be perfectly happy to use my hand or my mouth. That's fun. I like hearing the noises and seeing people come apart because of something I'm doing. I just don't like it when people try to reciprocate or get all offended because I'm not hard."

He looked away and his arms came up to wrap around his torso in a self hug that Jones was sure was entirely unconscious.

He surged forward, because Neal shouldn't look like that, and hugged him tight, pressing a sloppy kiss to the corner of his mouth. Neal laughed, a little breathless, and kissed back.

"You alright?" Jones asked, when they came up for air.

"I like kissing," Neal replied, "And I like you. You're one of my best friends, and after the day we've had, we both need a little bit of comfort."

"Tell me if I do anything you don't like." Jones kissed him again, urgently.

Neal snaked a hand into his trousers and wrapped those long delicate fingers around his cock. Their mouths came apart for a moment.

"Wow. Big."

"Um, yeah." Jones blushed slightly, and then bent to suck a mark on the side of Neal's neck, where his collar would hide it. It didn't take much for Neal to bring him off. a few tight strokes and that was it. They'd been talking about sex for hours and Jones had been half hard as he'd remembered various exploits. When Jones had finished shuddering into Orgasm, Neal led him over to the bed and pushed him down onto it. Then he began to strip. His shirt was already half undone, and his tie was gone, but he took his time with the rest. Jones stared, and slowly got hard again as that expanse of alabaster skin appeared before him. Soon Neal was completely naked and completely at ease in his own skin. He wasn't hard, although Clinton hadn't been expecting him to be. Jones hurriedly followed his friends lead, disposing on his clothes. When he was naked, Neal made him sit back on the bed, up near the head board, with his legs spread. The conman crawled up the bed towards him, and took him in his mouth. Jones groaned.

"Neal, you don't have to..."

"Sh," Neal said backing off slightly. "I want to. Let me make you feel good."

Neal certainly made him feel good.

o0o0o

Later, when they were lying wrapped in each other on Neal's bed, Clinton found himself staring as he gently traced his fingers along the curve of Neal's spine.

The man was a mass of contradictions, and sometimes it felt like the more you found out about him, the less sense he made. But Jones was pretty sure that people would say that about him if they knew half of what he was really like. For once, Clinton didn't worry about the morning after. He knew how he felt about Neal, and he was pretty sure he knew how Neal felt about him. it had been about mutual comfort between two close friends who really needed something to make them feel better.

They didn't repeat it. Not exactly anyway. But they did sleep together sometimes, just sleep, usually after a particularly bad case or if either of them just needed someone to hug. It's not like either of them could keep romantic relationship going very long. People just didn't understand. Occasionally Neal would give Jones a hand job, but Clinton couldn't really enjoy it. He always felt guilty. But Neal felt bad if Clinton was hard and raring to go but couldn't because of him. So they negotiated. When they had their occasional slumber parties, if Jones got aroused, he could masturbate, and Neal would watch. The first time was awkward, until suddenly it was hot.

They treated each other exactly the same at work, except maybe they gave each other slightly more leeway, a little more understanding.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover chapter

The next person Clinton slept with was a blind lawyer named Matt. It was great. Matt's hands were amazing, and they had some of the best sex Jones had had in a while. They'd met at work. Matt was representing a firm that had been robbed of a lot of money through a fraudulent charity.

It was a one off thing. And Clinton didn't regret that. Matt was kind of intense. The sort of person who needed to save the world, or destroy it. Jones was glad he was on their side.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover with show already mentioned twice.

Next was a really hot woman who Neal had set him up with. She'd come into the bakery that Neal owned one weekend. Neal was actually rather awesome at baking, and he did that on the weekends sometimes, and she was a bit of a foodie who'd heard about his to die for cupcakes. It turned out she was a paralegal, and Neal had been teasing Jones saying he had a law fetish, and he'd set them up.

Jones hadn't found out where she worked until the morning after, when he was cooking her breakfast. When she'd told him the name of the firm, he'd laughed hysterically and asked if every hot and horny person in the city worked there.

"What? What are you talking about?" She seemed pretty offended, and he winced.

"Sorry. I just... I was dating this woman, Donna?" Rachel nodded. "And then it turned out that I'd had sex with her Boss a while back and we broke up over it. At the moment I wouldn't be surprised if I'd slept with everyone who works there."

"Wow. So you've slept with Donna and Harvey?"

"Yeah." he sighed. "I have."

"Wow. Is Harvey amazing in bed? I always thought he'd he amazing in bed."

"Yeah, he really is. You're taking this remarkably well."

"We all have a past. Anyway, Donna's dating this cute British doctor now, and I think Harvey's dating his associate."

"Dating? Harvey?" Jones shook his head. "He was very much a one night stand guy from what I remember."

"Yeah. I always thought that. But Mike, that's his associate, he's changed him a lot. Harvey's a lot nicer than he used to be."

"Hmm. Good for him."  
o0o0o

They finished breakfast, and then Rachel took a deep breath, and Jones knew what she was going to say.

"You're breaking up with me." He said it before she could.

"I'm sorry! I wasn't planning on it. I wasn't planning on us sleeping together on the first date. And Donna is kind of scary."

"We broke up ages ago!" He was annoyed, but more with himself for thinking this wouldn't happen, than with her.

"I really am sorry, for what it's worth. It's just weird. I have to work with them."

"Yeah. I get it. From now on, my first question on every date is 'do you work at Pearson Hardman?'."

Neal was very apologetic and stopped trying to set him up. He was also intensely curious about this law firm populated with only hot people.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover chapter

The next time didn't happen. Clinton saw this cute guy across a bar, and he was wearing a trilby that reminded him of Neal. He went over and said hi, coming on pretty strong actually.

The guy looked straight past him, staring at a couple in a booth.

"Sorry, no thanks," he said, barely sparing Jones a glance. He kept looking from the couple to what looked like a subway map or something, all intersecting lines. It looked complicated. Jones could take no for an answer, so he backed off. He kept an eye on the guy though, and was a little worried when he followed the couple out of the bar.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crossover chapter

They were consulting on a case, a serial killer who left a forged masterpiece behind him at each crime scene. The BAU were also consulting. Jones honestly wasn't sure who he found the most attractive. He tried flirting with the media liaison, Jennifer first. But it turned out she had a husband and a kid, and Jones never went with a married person unless their partner knew and consented. He considered the buff Agent Morgan, but something warned him that coming onto the guy might not be the best idea. Agent Hotchner was far too serious to be a fun one night stand, and Jones didn't do long distance relationships. The older guy, Rossi. He could probably teach Clinton a thing or two, but wasn't really his type. The tech chick, while beautiful, was apparently seeing someone. He flirted with her anyway, because it was fun, but he made it clear he didn't want it to go anywhere. So, that left Agent Reid, who was cute as a button, and Agent Prentiss, who was gorgeous. But he didn't really want to sleep with her. He thought about it and guessed it was because she was so self assured. He wasn't looking for someone like that right now.

o0o0o

It took Reid far too long to realise that Jones was coming on to him and then he didn't seem to know what to do. Jones tried to ask him out for a drink, and the kid went bright red. Neal laughed at them both, and Clinton punched him on the arm.

"Shut up, Neal. Just because you don't like sex..." The three of them were the only ones left in the bullpen, trying to figure out a code that had been left behind.

"Sorry, Jones, but really? 'Um... drink... tonight... with me?'" Neal laughed again. "That was barely even a question! After all the people you've had sex with, I would have thought you'd gotten it down to an art by now!"

"I don't normally proposition potentially straight FBI agents who I have to work with!"

Reid's blush had faded and he was looking between the two men with keen interest.

"Not straight. Bent, definitely bent."

"How bent?" Neal asked, head cocked.

"I like girls. I just like guys too."

"So he's like you, Jones."

"No one's like me. No one I've met any way."

"Hmm?" Reid made an interrogative noise in his throat.

"Sorry." Jones ran a hand over his face. "I'm tired."

"No, what did you mean, 'no one's like you'? Are you into some weird fetish or something? Because my answer may depend on what you say."

"Answer?" Jones was surprised; he thought he'd blown it.

"You did ask me out didn't you?" Reid looked uncomfortable and flushed again.

"Jones is hypersexual. He has a ridiculously high libido," Neal answered for him.

"Oh." Reid considered for a moment. "Alright then." He glanced at Neal. "What about you?"

"He's asexual." Jones returned the favour, annoyed at Neal.

"Hmm. Interesting." Reid looked from one man to the other a few times and then dropped his gaze. "Yes. I would like to go for a drink with you. I should probably warn you, I don't have a huge amount of experience though. You may need to take charge a bit."

"That's fine." Jones smiled, honestly surprised at the outcome.

"Alright, I'll leave you two breeders to it then. Don't stay up too late, we're due back here at eight am sharp." Neal stretched, stood, and put on his jacket.

"Breeders, really? Caffrey, didn't anyone ever give you the talk? Two guys are not breeders."

"It's all sex." He shrugged, a surprisingly elegant gesture. "Have fun."

That left Clinton and Spencer alone together. The younger man fidgeted uncomfortably, and didn't meet Jones' eyes. He sighed.

"Look, if you don't want to..."

"I want! I want!" he said hurriedly, flushing red. "I'm just not very good at this sort of thing."

"Then we'll go slow."

o0o0o

They had a drink back at Clinton's, and after a slow build up on the couch, they ended up in bed together. Spencer was inexperienced, yes, but he made up for it with enthusiasm.

For the next week, they spent every moment they weren't working the case together. Neal ran interference for them more than once, especially since Reid's team were scarily over-protective. They caught the bad guy, and Reid's team headed back to Quantico. They stayed in touch, but the night after Reid and his team left Clinton drank himself into oblivion and ended up at Neal's.  
o0o0o  
Neal didn't ask any questions, just tugged him inside and held him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover chapter

They spent more time together after that. Spending almost every weekend going to places outside Neal's radius. Sometimes to museums or galleries, sometimes just to dinner. It was nice, the companionship.

o0o0o

One Saturday, Jones took Neal to the New York Museum of Art. They wandered round, and Jones couldn't help grinning. Neal was staring up around at the exhibits with a childlike curiosity. It was adorable.

"Neal, come on. I want to see the Egyptian part."

"Sure. I loved stories about Egypt when I was a kid. My Uncle Tom, well, he wasn't really my uncle, he was my Mom's boyfriend, he was an archaeologist, and he specialised in Egypt. It's a really cool culture."

Clinton had to clear his throat before he could answer. It was the first time he'd ever heard Neal offer any hint of his past.

"I'd love to hear about it."

They headed into the Egyptian exhibit and froze. There was a man crying, and a woman stroking his back gently. She glared at the two men, and Jones grabbed Neal's arm and tried to back them out of the room. Neal was having none of it though.

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

"Neal..."

"Leave him alone!" The woman sounded pissed and she stood protectively between her friend and the men.

"Vala, it's okay. I'm okay." He stood up, and wiped his eyes. "Thank you for asking."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm Dr Daniel Jackson." He introduced himself. "And this is Vala Mal Doran."

Neal froze, and Jones followed his gaze to a plaque on the wall.

o0o0o

_In loving memory of Dr Melbourne Jackson and Dr Claire Jackson, who died in the construction of this exhibit. They will be missed._

_o0o0o_

Jones frowned. No wonder the man was crying, he was probably related to the dead people.

Unfortunately, Daniel noticed the byplay and followed Neal's gaze as well.

"Ah. Yes, they were my parents. I was eight. Any other questions?" he sounded mildly annoyed, but also as though he was resigned to this. Vala glared.

"I'm Neal Caffrey, this is Agent Clinton Jones. We work for the FBI," Neal said, showing his amazing people skills again. If it had been Jones, he probably would have apologised and been flustered.

"Neal, you don't 'work for the FBI'. Not unless we're paying you now. You're a thief on work release."

"A thief?" Vala looked intrigued at that and moved closer to them.

"Ah!" Neal grinned. "I take it you're a fellow traveller?"

"Not any more. I suppose you'd say I'm on work release to the Air Force."

"The Air Force?" Jones asked, stepping forwards so he was level with Neal. "What does the Air Force want with a thief, or shouldn't I ask?"

"Classified, I'm afraid," Daniel grinned, seeming much happier than he'd been just a few moments ago.

"What about you?" Neal asked. "Are you Air Force? And what's the doctorate in?"

"I work with the Air Force, have done for the last decade or so. And I'm an Archaeologist."

"What does the Air Force want with an Archaeologist?" Jones asked, knowing his voice had gone up an octave with incredulity.

"I also speak about 30 languages."

"Ah. That makes sense, I guess." Neal smiled charmingly.

o0o0o

They got talking, and ended up having dinner together. Vala and Neal exchanged 'alleged' stories and Jones and Daniel talked about working in tightly knit teams.

"And I swear half the time Peter's pretending. He pulls this 'I'm just a bumbling old guy, you can talk to me' thing and everyone falls for it. and then he does something and you suddenly remember that he has one of the best arrest records, ever."

"Yeah, Jack, he used to be in charge of my team, he pulls the same thing. He always acts stupider than he is and it drives me up the wall. Especially when he suddenly says something intelligent and catches everyone off guard."

They had a good time. Clinton thought they were both ridiculously good looking, but he kept it in his pants, partly because it was obvious they thought he and Neal were dating. But also partly because they were nice people and he didn't think he could deal with a one night stand with either of them.

Daniel left an email address and they stayed in touch.

o0o0o

Clinton jacked off in the shower to what could have been and slept in Neal's bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crossover chapter

It was a few weeks later, and they were having lunch. Neal was listening indulgently to Clinton's latest exploits.

"You should have seen her Neal, long blonde hair, legs up to here... holy crap! Is that Richard Castle?"

"Hmm?" Neal turned in his seat.

"Don't look!"

"Yeah that is him. I didn't know you were a fan, I would have introduced you sooner."

"Wait, you know Richard Castle?"

"Yeah, he interviewed me for his third book."

"Wow."

"You want to meet him?"

"He's an amazing writer."

"I'll take that as a yes. Castle!" Neal shouted the last word and waved as Clinton hissed at him to be quiet.

The author came over, followed by a small group.

"One of your fans, Castle?" said a woman who Clinton mentally labelled 'tiny but fierce'.

"Neal, good to see you! What have you been up to lately? You still good at being bad?"

"Not so much anymore. This is Agent Clinton Jones, FBI. I've been working with his team for...about two years now." Caffrey blinked, surprised it had been that long. "He's a fan."

Castle held out his hand and Jones shook it.

"Pleased to meet you. This is Detective Kate Beckett, Detective Kevin Ryan, and Detective Javier Esposito."

"The pleasure is mine. I am a huge fan of Derek Storm, and Nikki Heat, of course."

They spent the whole afternoon together, and well into the evening.

o0o0o

"There's a death tile?" Castle asked incredulously at some anecdote of Neal's.

"No, no. It's just..." Neal started to reply, but then the woman, Kate, stood up and grabbed her jacket.

"I think I'm going to call it a night. Caffrey, Jones, nice to meet you."

"Kate?" Castle seemed worried.

"I'm just tired, Castle. You stay, enjoy yourself."

"No, I'll see you home. I should get back to Alexis anyway." He smiled around at the group. "Nice to see you again, Neal, and Clinton, I'll get that signed copy of Storm Front to you ASAP."

"Thanks, it was great to meet you."

And they left together.

"Oh, they're totally doing it." Jones said as soon as they were out of earshot, he'd had slightly more to drink than he realised. Kevin and Javier both laughed. Neal didn't. He just smiled slightly, bittersweet.

"No, they're not. They're totally in love."

"Ah." Jones looked after the couple, and then turned to smile at Neal. "Well, you'd know about that."

"Now them," Neal said, pointing at Ryan and Esposito, "they are totally doing it."

Kevin went bright red and stammered and Javier looked like he'd been hit in the face with a wet fish.

"How did you know?" Kevin asked.

"You just told him, idiot!" Esposito punched his partner in the arm.

"He confirmed it." Neal nodded, smiling, "I'm a student of body language. And when it comes to this, I'm pretty good at figuring it out."

"Are you two a couple?" Kevin asked, and Jones and Neal exchanged a strange look with layers of love, sadness and a hint of wistfulness.

"Not exactly," they both said at once and laughed. Neal shook his head.

"I think I've had enough. I'm going to head home. It was nice meeting you boys."

"You want some company?" Jones asked.

"Not tonight, things are too close. Besides, Kevin over there is about one drink away from offering you a threesome." Neal winked, Kevin spluttered and Jones grinned.

After Neal left, the three guys were quiet for a while.

o0o0o

"So, what's the story with you two? You seem like a couple," Kevin asked, Javier looked annoyed, but indulgent.

"We have a sort of on-again-off-again thing. Kind of. Neal... we aren't compatible."

Esposito nodded like he understood, but Ryan just looked curious. Actually, he looked a lot like a puppy, with his head tilted like that.

"How come?"

"It's complicated." Jones sighed.

Ryan opened his mouth to ask more, but Esposito put a hand across his lips.

"How about that threesome?" he offered.


	15. Chapter 15

The very next morning, the three of them were piled in Clinton's bed, worn out and satisfied. Kevin had some very red hickeys on his pale neck. And his thighs. And...elsewhere. they were just considering another round when there was someone pounding on the front door. Clinton groaned, but got up to answer it, throwing a robe on.

"Oh thank God." Neal practically fell through the door.

"Neal? You all right? What time is it?"

"I don't know. And it's nearly noon."

"Really? Wow. What's wrong?"

"I..." Neal gestured helplessly and then shook his head.

"Okay. Calm down. Take a seat, I'll get the coffee on and get rid of Ryan and Esposito."

Neal snorted.

"They really asked you for a threesome?"

"Yeah, it was great." Jones allowed himself a satisfied grin, and then went to hustle the cops out of his bed.

o0o0o

When they were gone, he was soon sitting beside Neal waiting for him to speak as they sipped their coffee.

"So?"

"I... I don't know where to start." He shook his head. "Did you know that Peter's birthday is coming up?" Neal wasn't meeting his eyes.

"No. I didn't."

"Yeah. Elizabeth called me. She wanted to know..." He swallowed.

"Oh God." Suddenly Jones was sure he knew what was going on. "Did she want you to be his present?"

Neal stared at him.

"How did you...? I just... why does everything have to be about sex? I thought they liked me."

He looked so confused and plaintive that Clinton just had to hug him. They sat there in each other's arms for a long time.

"I was Peter's present a couple of years ago, for their anniversary," Jones said, and Neal slowly pulled away.

"What should I do? She seemed sure I was going to say yes."

"You love them," Jones replied, not without a little envy. "It's obvious to anyone who looks at you with them. If you were bi, you'd probably have been dating them for months, and don't even try to say it's not true."

"I do love them," Neal said, his hands spread helplessly. "But I can't... I don't... I want them to love me, not want me for sex. I can't give them that. I'll give them what I can but..."

"You need tot talk to them. They wouldn't have asked if they didn't think you'd want it. If they knew how you were they would never have brought it up."

"What if they think I'm a freak?"

"Really? Peter and El? Really?" Jones raised a singular eyebrow.

"You're right. I know you're right. I wouldn't even be worrying about this if it wasn't about sex." He brushed his hair away from his face.

"I know. It's okay. If you want, I'll talk to them with you. You have to know that they love you too. It's clear as day whenever Peter looks at you, and El's almost as bad."

"Really?"

"You can read everyone else, but not them? Interesting."

"Oh shut up." Neal grinned and pulled Jones close again, nuzzling against his neck. "Clinton?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

o0o0o

"Elizabeth? It's Neal. Yeah, hi. Um, could I come over? I think we need to talk. You me and Peter." He looked at Jones, who made a 'me too' gesture, but Neal shook his head. "No, I just think we need to talk. Please? Okay. Good. I'll see you in an hour or so? Okay. Bye."

They hung up together.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes. Please. I just couldn't tell El that. She'd ask questions."

"Ah. So, we're going to spring this on them?"

Neal shrugged and smiled, and Jones had to smile back.

o0o0o

Elizabeth considered the phone for a long moment after she'd hung up.

"Hun?"

"Yeah?" Peter asked from the sofa where he was sat reading the paper.

"Your birthday present?"

"What about it?"

"I asked Neal, like we talked about. That was him on the phone. He sounded... strange."

"Hmm. You think he was embarrassed?"

"I don't know. Are you sure he's bi? I mean, maybe he's straight and trying to let us down gently."

"I'm as sure as I can be, hun. He flirts with everyone though, no matter what gender they are." He went back to reading the paper.

"Hmm. Well, he's going to be here in an hour or so to talk about it. I hope we haven't messed things up."


	16. Chapter 16

Neal fiddled with his hat on the car ride over to Peter's. When they were at a red light, Jones reached out to still his fidgeting hands.

"Hey, it'll be okay. They love you too, remember?"

Neal just gave him a strained smile and looked out the window. Clinton still wasn't entirely used to this side of Neal. The vulnerable underbelly, full of trust issues and fear, that he covered constantly. Clinton knew just how much it meant that he was allowed to see it.

They pulled up in front of the Burkes.

"We're here."

"I can see that."

"We can still back out if you want. We can go and I can send them a text saying you've got syphilis."

Neal laughed, which was the point, and wordlessly got out of the car. Jones followed.

o0o0o

El answered the door.

"Oh, Clinton. This is a surprise." She looked between the two men, and then stepped back to let them in. Peter was at the kitchen table, and he looked uncomfortable and slightly surprised. They joined him.

"Hi Peter."

"Neal. Jones." He looked between them, then glanced at his wife. "What's this about?"

"Um..." Neal looked at Jones, who shrugged.

"Oh!" El said in a tone of epiphany. "Sweetie, you should have just told me! I never would have asked you if I knew you were in a relationship! How long have you to been seeing each other?"

Jones' eyes went wide and he looked at Neal, who looked just as taken aback. Peter lookd shocked and hurt.

"You two are dating? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Peter, it's not like that, not really," Neal desperately tried to explain. El and Peter exchanged a glance, noting Neal's distress.

"What's it like, Neal?" El asked gently.

Neal opened and closed his mouth a few times and then looked at Jones.

"He doesn't like sex."

"What?" Both El and Peter looked confused.

"Neal. He's asexual. He doesn't really like sex."

"Neal, is this true?" Peter asked.

"It's not like I hate sex. I just..." He shrugged. "I don't like it very much. I like it when my partners enjoying it, but I don't like getting... you know."

"He doesn't like to orgasm," Jones filled in, He felt really uncomfortable, but Neal wasn't going to be able to say it. "He doesn't get aroused often and finds it overwhelming."

El and Peter both seemed overwhelmed at this news. El recovered more quickly than her husband.

"Sweetie, you should have said something. If you don't like sex, then of course we're not going to make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable." Neal didn't look reassured by this. Instead, he looked slightly worried.

"Jones thinks... he thinks that you asked me to do this because... well, he seems to think you love me." Neal laughed but it sounded wrong. "And well, I just... if you just wanted me for my body, that would be one thing... but..."

"Of course we love you." Surprisingly, it was Peter who said it. "Neal, if we didn't love you, do you think that you'd get away with half of what you do?" he grinned, crookedly. "Do you think I treat all my CI's like this?"

"I hope not!" And there was the real Neal smile.

"We love you sweetie. We have for a while. This was supposed to be a way for us to start a relationship."

"I still want that. I love you too, both of you."

"But if you don't like sex..." Peter trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"Sex isn't just what a relationship is about, Peter. And I like parts of it. I like using my mouth, or my hands. I like making the other person happy. I just don't like full sex, with penetration. And I don't like, you know, orgasms. When they're mine, anyway." He looked away. "I know it's weird, and I know it's a lot to deal with. If you think I'm too much trouble, then I understand."

Jones elbowed him softly.

"Hey, I thought we agreed. You're not weird. Not unless I am."

"And if I you were ever going to be too much trouble, it would have happened a while ago now," Peter said dryly.

"So, Clinton. How long have you known about this?" El asked.

"Um, a while now."

"Were you two in a relationship?" Peter asked, partly because he needed to know as team leader, and partly just because he was curious.

Neal and Clinton looked at each other and then Neal shrugged slightly.

"We weren't exactly dating," he said. "But we were taking care of each other. We've been spending a lot of time together outside of work, and we looked after each other when we needed it."

"Neal likes hugs, and kisses and lots of close contact, but he often can't get that without being pressured for sex. Plus it makes him seem weak, and he hates that."

"Clinton likes sex a lot more than most people. He has it a lot, but most people can't keep up with his libido in the long term, so he usually ends up having a lot of one night stands. I supply the bits of the relationship he doesn't get through semi-anonymous sex."

"Woah. Okay. So one of my team hates sex, and another one loves it? And they're dating?" Peter asked. El slapped his arm.

"Yeah. I guess you could put it like that."

Jones looked back and forth between Neal and the Burkes, feeling very trapped.

"I should leave you to it, anyway. You guys probably have a lot to talk about, setting up a new relationship is always a lot of work and this one is especially complicated. Neal, call me when you get in?"

"You don't have to leave."

"I know. But you need to talk to them." He smiled gently to let Neal know he was okay with this. "Peter, Mrs Burke. I'll see you soon."

And with that he left.

o0o0o

Neal called him late that night. He was talking a mile a minute, and so excited. Jones smiled.

"We're going to try. They want to try. I mean, they already knew it wasn't going to be easy, a three way relationship is pretty taboo, and I'm technically Peter's responsibility, so we couldn't tell anyone. Which is why it's great that you know. I mean, you're okay with it, right?"

"Yeah, Neal. I'm fine with it. I'm happy for all of you."

"You don't sound happy."

"I'm just going to miss you."

"Oh. I hadn't thought of that."

"Don't worry about it. You and the Burkes, you're in love. You're meant to be. The three of you fit together and it's beautiful. I want that for myself, that's all. I'm a bit jealous."

"Thank you, Clinton." Neal paused for a moment. "I love you too, you know?"

"I know. and I love you too. But we're not in love. It's different. I'll find someone. Eventually. And in the meantime? I'll have a lot of fun looking!"

Clinton Jones grinned, and wondered who he would meet next.


End file.
